How to find the REAL intention of people
Ever had a gut feeling about someone that wasn’t quite right? or just felt very uncertain how to navigate the political landscape of your office or work environment?
Being around the right people that have the right intention should be close to the top of your priority list if you want to have the best shot of progression. We now have have some really compelling evidence that the higher you climb any hierarchy the more readily available resources you have at your disposal, so yes, powerful people become more powerful. It’s built into our genetics to find social status and power. No longer can we use ignorance as an escape clause when people pull the wool over our eyes.
Oh, if anyone says the following ” i just want to be happy and get 4 weeks of holidays a year, I don’t need any so called power” you have just encountered a master, the master is so good they can deceive themselves.
Below are few little tips and things to keep front of mind if you have someone in mind that you just not sure about.
- If you have ever felt like your going a little insane because of the manipulation of a peer I understand. It’s not your fault and no, your not going insane, you just have a clever cat on your hands. Here is how to decode the craziness, remember, even chaos has immediate order when you know the process. The first question you have to answer is, what is the environmental and personal consequences of this persons actions? Once you have a clear answer you can then plug that into the following question. What motivation does one need to be satisfied by said consequences? BOOM you have just decoded the REAL unquestionable intention of the individual. The next step is do you have the balls to confront the person or correct leader? Don’t be surprised if the individual blatantly denies this, what is the natural response of someone who has just been found out? immediate defence which just adds to your case. We know that how someone conducts themselves is directly linked to the beliefs they hold, so if their actions say one thing but words say another always trust the thoughts behind the ACTIONS.
- Here is an interesting case for you with some very specific variables that always seem to get peers in a knot. What if you are dealing with a person that can say one thing and completely contradict it in the next phrase? they also have low tolerance for other peoples views and to top it right off they have low neuroticism giving a high level of certainty.
Extremely tricky to navigate high certainty, low empathy and contradicting statements. If you go toe to toe with them you will fail miserably and just get more frustrated. If you go the emotional route and let them know how they make you feel they will crush you with their certainty and swing your mind in favour with them but still with resentment. The simple angle that works every time with these folk is the empathetic ego stroke with conviction no sarcasm ” it must be so difficult to continually stay on top of your game with all your responsibility and how many people you lead and teach, I’m really looking forward to taking on this project with you because of who you are and what can you add to this idea?” proceed to sharing your thoughts and ideas and watch this person take on your idea as if it were there own. The phrase starts with empathy and then reiterates the status position of the individual, it is followed by a collaborative statement and the final piece is a question totally focused and directed on YOUR ideas. This is a way to display your thoughts without coming across disagreeable.
- Some general language to keep a sharp ear out for can paint the bigger picture for you. If the person uses excessive ‘I’ statements they are closely associated to whatever the conversation is about so be carful when opposing or mismatching, in other words don’t fight the current go into question asking mode. In most contexts the use of the word ‘I’ is indicative of someone telling the truth.
- When someone is telling a lie they will automatically distance themselves from the conversation or topic by creating space with the following exclusives. Except, but, excluding, apart from, besides, aside from, not counting. If someone is telling a non truth and they know it you can ask one question that will be the tell all. To maintain the lie inside this question is a very complex cognitive task and only people with a very high IQ can keep it together . The magic question is simple, Tell me what you didn’t not do/say? This will put them in a spin because the extra layer of the lie will cause chaos.
There we go team. Some complex social interactions that can put you in a spin if you are not careful. Remember people are extremely complex and very very capable of deception in the most beautiful ways. Stay sharp and get your language skills tight.