When our dials of good judgemnt do funny things

After having an encounter with a person that made my judgment do very weird things.

This encounter made me reflect on times where I just didn’t feel myself or even act like myself. Those times I’m sure we can all recall when all you can really say is ‘something came over me.’ I got really curious about the idea of something ‘coming over’ because the intensity of the experience is one of possession. Many people have reported the same thing and upon some self-exploration, I came to this question.

‘How much agency do I have in my interactive people dynamics’ well the answer I received was that I have 100% agency and choice in the dynamics I set up with people. If I wanted to take a good hard look at myself I knew exactly how and why I was manipulating social dynamics to lean in my favor. the trouble started when I couldn’t understand my motivation to do so.

What most people tend to call ‘themselves’ is merely a single part of themselves that shows up under certain circumstances that has an agenda and aim of its own accord. One of the most subtle and utterly magnificent human dynamics is that of flying our own flag of insufficiency. It shows up in people who do the following

* Insist on telling you how many hours they work

* Boast about how little sleep they get

* Share their life challenges but quickly back it up with ‘it’s just how it is and I’ll move forward’

* They tend to build people around them who form reliance and admiration

* The destroy the notion of humility by preaching humility

* They are intelligent enough to know vulnerability evokes a response so pseudo vulnerability becomes a tool of manipulation

* They are very willing to display results as long as everyone knows how hard it was to achieve

It’s a brutal and costly dynamic because it buries the individual in his/her fantasy. It’s manifested first through hubristic pride, a type of pride that has a self-focus. this pride gets constantly reinforced by the admiration of the people, further setting up with confirmation bias of always being correct, and if anything negative was to happen its surely everyone else fault or they are simply not a fit for the group. The next layer to this dynamic is a magnificently scary one, it’s flat-out denial. the best way to never reveal what you’re denying is to actively speak about it as if you are concisely aware of it. So the best way an overweight person can constantly hide their denial is to bring up their struggles with weight in every conversation or opportunity to convince people they are addressing it.

“You will hide what you need the most in plain sight so it will never be found. Believing all your bases must be covered, your denial and resentment leaks onto the people around you and when they leave you it simply affirms your magical powers of intuition. further deepening your pride, affirming your challenges are real and enriching the fantasy for others to be caught in your game.”

What I believe I encountered was this part of me that I had to face, I have come to realise that people who set up the above dynamic are very prideful people that on the outside look like they have their shit together but on the inside are working overtime to re-enforce their denials and by doing so are actually clinging onto the parts of them that are dead or dying. Anything built from this place will inevitably collapse over time. Relationships, teams, businesses, communities are all at the hands of the original motive. I experienced all of this first hand and lost everything to a degree that I could only blame myself.

Denial in and of itself is the language of insufficiency and insecurity, the weakest man is one who hides his weaknesses in secret or in plain sight. By clinging to them and defending them they will bring about their demise. Anyone around these people who’s been influenced by the twists of their tongue will stay on their ship with them while it sinks without a clue why because the last place they will look is at the words of the captain. Anyone around them with clear eyes should back away slowly as to not startle them.

If you feel you are around someone like this it will show up in your body more than your mind. If you are around anyone and it feels as though your reality is being bent or that they somehow represent protection and fear at the same time pay close attention to them. When you are around them does your normal steady judgment seem to be thrown off? Sometimes it can be as clear as having a feeling in your body that shows up every time you are around them. If you are pretty clear on who you are but when you are around them you don’t really know how to act or what to say these are signs that there are some unconscious games being played and it doesn’t mean good or bad it simply means keep your wits about you and pay close attention. Know your value/values and know when to say no. This theme actually gets represented in movies quite well. Think about recent movies that elements of fantasy, the two that come to mind are Avatar and Annihilation. In the movies the characters visit parts of the world that are incredible and defy all common laws, Avatar has the floating mountains and Annihilation has the dome that augments human and plant DNA to form beautiful displays of vivid color and plants that grow like statues, its a captivating displaying of awe that commands attention at the cost of reality. Have you noticed that in each fantasy world all the dials of the equipment go crazy? This is a metaphor that says, if you find yourself in your own or someone else fantasy creation your judgment and instruments will get thrown off insofar as to hide the inevitable dangers of that territory.